I'm an RVer...

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Hi.  My Name is Bob and I'm an RVer...

by Bob (Ram) Muessig


     First...the tent! Oh, it happens so innocently, and there’s no known cure. Camping gets into your blood...outfitters get into your wallet. You simply must have this air mattress, that little portable toilet, this two-burner campstove, that pair of lanterns, this...that...these...and so it goes.

     "Why don’t we buy that little travel trailer? Then we won’t need all that other STUFF." Yeah...right! Toilet chemicals, heater, propane, batteries, trailer hitch, extended mirrors, etc., etc,...not to mention the new pickup.

     "You know, honey, we’d have a lot more room to relax if we had that thirty-foot trailer, and we could take the pets, too!" OK...more bedding, more clothes, more food (and pet food), lawn chairs, table, anti-sway bars, electric brake controller, and a visor-shelf for the truck.

     "We could see the country in style if we bought this thirty-six foot fifth-wheel trailer with the slide-outs." You bet!...new pickup (the old one couldn’t cut it), new hitch and diferent brake controller, more storage (therefore, more STUFF) twenty-foot awning, assorted gadgets, and one day you realize - OH NO! We’re hooked!

     "We could put our STUFF in storage, rent the house to someone, and travel for six months to a year. That way, we could find out if we really like RVing." Uh-huh. Arrange communications, you know...cellular phone, upgrade the CB, mail forwarding service, move STUFF into storage. And, what about a laptop?

     "Bob, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking (uh-oh...danger signal). We’ve had so much fun traveling...let’s buy that new forty-footer we saw at the RV show. You know, the one with the satellite dish and the big generator set. Then we don’t have to spend so much time in the RV parks. We can do some ‘boondocking’!" Extra fuel, water and supplies, more insurance, emergency road service for the new rig, gear splitter for the transmission (better control), turbocharger for the engine (more power), exhaust brake (for those steep downgrades), maybe even four-wheel drive, more gadgets, travel-map software for the laptop, and a global positioning system!

     "Honey, I’ve been worrying about the house back home. It’s getting so hard to find good renters nowadays. and what are we going to do about all our STUFF that we have in storage? Maybe we should just sell everything. I mean...well...we’ve been living in the RV. Let’s talk to an estate sales agent when we get back."

     AGENT: "We’ll do all the work, price everything, and what doesn’t sell can go to charity."

     Me: "But...that’s my Dad’s old thweepwhistle!"

     She: "Honey, there’s no room for it in the trailer."

     Me: "But...I..."

     She "No buts. It’s been in the attic for the past twenty-five years."

     Me: "Sorry Dad."

     AGENT: "This will bring a fine price."

     She: "Great-grandmother’s pinsmonker has been in the family for..."

     Me: "Give it to the kids."

     She: "They don’t want it."

     Me: "Remember Dad’s old thweepwhistle?"

     She: "I just hope she doesn’t come back to haunt me."

     "They sure gave us a good trade and a terrific deal on this new forty-five foot motorhome. We made out like bandits!" New car to tow behind it, special hitch, tow dolly, closed-circuit TV, back-up alarm, remote controlled spotlight, automatic satellite dish system with dual receivers, two color TVs, and computerized, fully automatic hydraulic leveling system.

     "Do you remember that beautiful, secluded lake we liked so much? The road up there is much too rough to take the new rig, but if we bought a small tent...and maybe a little boat..."

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